Front Porch
You're standing outside the closed front door to your house. The street runs east and west, and a path leads northwest around the side of the house.

>OPEN THE DOOR
The door is locked.

>INVENTORY
You are empty-handed. In your pocket is a wallet.

A mailman appears by your side, pulls an envelope from his bag, looks at it, and knocks on the door.

>TAKE THE ENVELOPE FROM THE MAILMAN
The mailman pulls the envelope out of your reach. "I'm supposed to deliver this to the resident of this house. Do you live here?"

> >YES
"Well, then, I wish you would hurry up and answer the front door." He knocks again on the door, a little more impatiently.

>NORTHWEST
Side of House
You are standing by the side of your house. A large closed window overlooks a path which leads southeast toward the front of the house.

>OPEN THE WINDOW
The window slides open.

>CLIMB IN
Inside the House
You are standing inside an unusually small house. On the west wall is a large open window, to the south is a closed front door, and to the east is a closed closet door. Someone knocks impatiently at the front door.

>OPEN THE DOOR
[Which door do you mean, the closet door or the front door?]

>FRONT
The mailman registers no surprise when you open the door. "One dollar postage due," he yawns.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]

>TAKE THE WALLET
Taken.

>LOOK IN IT
Your wallet contains a drivers's license and $1.

>GIVE $1 TO THE MAILMAN
[taking the $1 from your wallet first]
The mailman stuffs the money into his pocket, hands you the envelope, ans disappears down the street.

>LOOK AT THE ENVELOPE
The envelope is large and yellow and addressed to you. The return address says "Sweepstakes, Acme Building," and the post office has scrawled on the envelope "$1 postage due."

>OPEN IT
Opening the envelope reveals a letter.

>READ THE LETTER
"Dear Occupant: You have already won $5,000.00!! Simply bring this letter to our headquarters and collect your cash prize! Congratulations!"
[You're feeling better now.]

>GO TO THE ACME BUILDING
That's too far away to walk.

>OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR
The closet door is now open.

>GO IN THE CLOSET
Closet
This closet is as small as a walk-in closet can be. An open door leads west. On the floor is a book.

>TAKE THE BOOK
Taken.

>LOOK AT IT
The book is entitled "How to Hug." You borrowed this book with great embarrassment from the library yester- day, hoping to pick up some pointers for your next date (heaven knows when that would be). Unfortunately, only after you got home did you realize this book was volume 26 of "The Pocket Encyclopedia to Words of Three Letters." Inside the book is a library card.

>W.S
Inside the House
Front Porch

>W
Path
A phone booth stands sentry on this path. Inside the phone booth you see a phone. The road runs east and west.

>IN
Phone Booth
This is just about the cleanest phone booth you've ever seen. The only imperfection is a sticker on the phone.

>LOOK AT THE STICKET
[The word "sticket" isn't in the vocabulary that you can use]

>OOPS STICKER
"Acme Cab Company. We take you where you deserve to go. 555-7302."

>CALL 555-7302
This is a pay phone, and you don't have any money.

>OUT
Path

>GO WEST
Outside the Bank
Acme Bank can be enterd to the north. The street runs east and west.

>ENTER THE BANK
Inside the Bank
Acme Bank is not much larger than the phone booth. (In fact, almost everything made by the giant Acme Corpo- ration is about the same size. While this saves them lots of money, few women are willing to wear Acme's phone- booth-sized earrings.) A teller behind an iron-barred window looks at you and asks, "Do you wish to make a deposit?"

> >NO
The teller asks, "Do you wish to cash a check?"

> >NO
The teller asks, "Do you wish to make a withdrawal?"

> >YES
The teller gives you a form. "Fill this out, please."

>FILL OUT THE FORM
Amount of withdrawal: > $20
Shoe size: > 8
The form is now complete.

>GIVE THE FORM TO THE TELLER
The teller takes the form and reads it, then looks at your feet. "May I see some ID, please," drones the teller.

>I
You are carying a wallet, an envelope. a book, and a letter. Inside the wallet you see a driver's license. Inside the book you see a library card.

>GIVE THE DRIVER'S LICENSE TO THE TELLER
The teller laboriously studies your driver's license.
Then she says, "Do you have a library card?"

> >YES
The teller asks, "Do you have it with you??"

> >YES
"Let me see your library card," demands the teller.

>GIVE THE LIBRARY CARD TO THE TELLER
[taking it from the book first]
The teller looks at the library card with disappointment. Then she gives you your driver's license and your library card and hands you $20. Finally she says "Have a nice day." This last comment almost kills her.

>GO TO THE PHONE BOOTH
Phone Booth
There is a sticker here.

>READ THE STICKER
"Acme Cab Company. We take you where you deserve to go. 555-7302."

>CALL 555-7302
You put 10 cents into the phone and dial. An electronic voice comes on and says, "That will be $2 for the next 30 seconds."

>PUT $2 IN THE SLOT
"Thank you," says the electronic voice.
The number you called rings once. Someone answers the phone and says "Please hold." You hear a click, then the dreaded silence of Hold.

>WAIT
Time passes...

>WAIT
Time passes...
An electronic voice comes on and says, "That will be $2 for the next 30 seconds."
[Your blood pressure just went up.]

>PUT $2 IN THE SLOT
"Thank you," says the electronic voice.

>Z
Time passes...
A voice gets on the phone. "Acme Cab Company. Where do you want to go?"

> >ACME BUILDING
"Acme Building, right. Listen, we got a cab going to the Acme Bank. You anywhere near that?"

> >YES
"Okay, that cab will take you to the Acme Building." Then you hear the phone on the other end hang up.
[You're feeling better now.]

>OUT. WEST
Path
Outside the Bank

>WAIT FOR CAB
Time passes...
A cab pulls up next to you. The driver leans out the window and shouts to you, "You going to the Acme Building?"

> >YES
"Well, get in!" The driver opens the door for you.

>GET IN THE CAB
As soon as you have one foot in the cab, the driver guns the engine. You are thrown into the back seat, the door closes on your fingers, and you have a nauseating ride to the Acme Building. You turn several shades of green and almost get very sick. Just when you're seriously considering jumping out of the cab and ending it all, the cab stops, the driver pours you out of the cab, and says, "That'll be $10."

>GIVE $10 TO THE DRIVER
The driver takes the money from you and speeds away.
Ouside the Acme Building
The green and pink exterior of the Acme Building, which is in the middle of nowhere, lurks before you. A landmark of bad taste, the building has been featured in "Architectural Digest" under the headline "Wrong." the building can be entered through a door to the north.

>NORTH
Lobby
You are standing in the lobby of the Acme Building. Hallways lead north, west, and east, and a door lies south. A receptionist sits behind a desk, reading a newspaper.

>GIVE THE LETTER TO THE RECEPTIONIST
The receptionist looks at you with a mixture of disgust and pity. "To collect your prize, all you have to do is sit through a short promotional film we've produced." She hands you a ticket. "Just go to the auditorium, to the north."

>LOOK AT THE TICKET
"Ticket number 69105. Seat 25F. Acme Building Auditorium."

>N
Hallway
This hallway stretches north and south. To the west is a closed door marked "Auditorium."

>WEST
The door is closed.

>OPEN THE DOOR
The door is now open.

>W
Auditorium Aisle 15
The lights are off in the auditorium, but from the light reflecting off the giant screen, you can tell that many people are sitting in the seats.

>GO TO SEAT 25F
You stumble your way through the dark aisles, step on lots of people's feet, and find your seat.

Seat 25F
Like all the seats in this auditorium, you have a painfully clear view of the screen. Fortunately for you, this sample transcript is ending, so you don't have to suffer through the inane promotional film produced by the Acme Company.